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Yes, I know. “Self-love” is kind of a buzz word these days. You get it on Instagram and Tiktoc. You watch videos about it on Youtube and you read blogs about it. They tell you that you need it. They tell you that we’re lacking it. They tell you that we had it when we were babies. Few even tell you the reasons we don’t have it. Some will give you cute steps that scratch the surface. But what is self love and how do you get it back, seriously?
Though some may confuse the two, self love is not self-care. It includes self-care, but it is not the totality of it. Self care is just that, how you care for yourself. But you can care for yourself and not love yourself, can’t you? Sure. Just like you can care for a person that you feel obligated to care for, and not necessarily love them. You can get a pedicure, eat a healthy salad, get a facial, buy yourself some creamy, nourishing lotion, and not love yourself.
So what is self love?
If you reached down deep into your heart, and you listened for a moment, what would you say it was? Please, take a moment.
Right.
Love isn’t that definable is it? But you know it when you truly feel it. When you don’t have to explain it away, or defend it, or justify it, or make sense out of it, you can just connect to it, and feel it.
It accepts unconditionally. It embraces deeply. It forgives. It yields. It uplifts. It drives. It motivates. It inspires. It permeates. It spills forth. It envelopes. It radiates. It mourns. It grieves. It heals. It transfers. It lures. It generates and creates. It is and doesn’t need a reason for its existence.
Beautiful.
So here’s the big question. How do you love yourself again, for real?
Here are the 4 practical, effective, attainable steps you can take right now.
Well, how do you fall in love with anyone?
You already have much in common. You already have some synergy with yourself.
So what are the next steps.?
1. Re-introduction
You may have to re-introduce yourself. You’ve changed. You’ve grown. You’ve learned. You’ve lost and gained. You’re rediscovering and recreating and redefining all the time. So it’s worth re-acquainting yourself with yourself regularly. Speak or journal your identity regularly. Who are you becoming. Your morals, your beliefs, your boundaries, your likes and dislikes, your dreams and goals, your past achievements and failures. Your favorite colors, meals, dream vacations. Sit in awe of yourself periodically and dig a little deeper into your identity. What makes you you? Develop the anticipation of knowing yourself deeper and deeper. This is not self care. This is self love.
2. Quality time
Yes, you are with you 24/7, but do you spend quality time with yourself?
Take yourself on regular dates. Give yourself all the attention you deserve. Listen to your heart, your dreams, your desires. Listen to your story from your heart’s perspective. Compliment yourself. Be proud of yourself. Let your heart speak to you, and actually listen. Allow yourself time to fall in love with you. Develop the emotion for yourself. This is not self care. This is self love.
3. Focus on the good stuff
There will always be something negative to focus on. But why? Especially when it comes to you, the only vehicle you currently have to carry out this life? We don’t foster love by focusing on the negative, the not so desirable, the annoying, the uncomfortable. We foster love by focusing on the things that make our stomach feel like there are butterflies fluttering around. Sometimes it’s hard to see them, especially after toxic relationships, but they are there. And after you do some re-introduction and spend some quality time, you will find them again. When you find them, focus on them. Admire them. Talk to yourself about them on your dates or in the mirror or on the toilet or in the shower, you know, like when you’re falling in love. Journal about them. Write silly songs or pensive poetry about them. This is not self care. This is self love.
4. Deepening Acts of Love
When you’re falling in love, you can’t help but think of random acts of love, kindness, and service to show this person that you love them. I used to have a personal ritual of sending myself chocolate covered strawberries every year on my birthday. I didn’t do this to care for myself. I did this to love on myself. I did this to heal myself from the desire of needing anyone else to acknowledge my birthday or help me feel good about myself or my worth. I knew that in my healing, I had to love myself first. I had to feel and embrace my worth first. Do deepening acts of love for yourself, not as self-care, but as self-love.
By now, you’re probably really absorbing and deeply understanding the difference between self-care and self-love. And these are 4 tangible and reachable steps to begin the process of real self love. I know that they are not necessarily easy or quick. But they are accessible and possible. And most importantly, with consistency and commitment, they work.
You can do this. You can love yourself deeply, unapologetically, and completely.
This is your time. I believe in you.
Sending you much love and power, always.
Your Inner Power Coach,
La Toya
If you would like to know more about my 7C’s of Inner Power and Manifesting program that can support you and take you step by step into knowing and loving yourself again, you can schedule a Revelation Call here.
