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How to Create Boundaries that are SEXY

Updated: Nov 8, 2022

  • Identifying Mindset Shifts to have powerful, sexy boundaries

  • How to empower your identity and energy to have sexy boundaries

I know, I know. Boundaries are not the usual word you hear in a movie like ‘50 Shades of Grey’, or in a conversation at your first date over steak and lobster, or in a marriage that has lasted 10 years, kids and a career shift and is trying to be sexually revitalized.

It’s just not the word associated with sexy. But it is. I know you usually hear the words ‘healthy’ and ‘strong’ when it comes to boundaries. I am telling you,

You can make your boundaries sexy, magnetizing, and mutually beneficial.

First, the mindset has to shift.

Here are some thought patterns that you can release today to shift into creating sexy boundaries.

  • Let go of the term ‘boundaries’ as a psychological term that you must somehow fit into your life with or without psychological help.

  • Let go of the idea that boundaries are difficult to create.

  • Let go of the idea that boundaries are things that you have to maintain, like a physical door or equipment.

  • Let go of the idea that other people are responsible for upholding your boundaries.

  • Let go of the idea that others will psychically/telepathically know and respect what your boundaries are.

  • Let go of the idea that boundaries are only to keep others out.

  • Let go of the idea that boundaries are only to keep you safe.

  • Let go of the idea that boundaries only work one way.

  • Let go of the idea that boundaries are impossible to actually have and embody.

  • Let go of the idea that boundaries are some entity or construct outside of yourself.

  • Let go of the idea that effective, sexy boundaries are something you can take off and on like lingerie.

  • Let go of the idea that you have to study about boundaries and pass some state exam before you can embody them effectively.

  • Let go of the idea that boundaries are stiff, set in stone, and therefore must look like and feel like stone.

  • Let go of the idea that you can no longer be your loving kind self if you have boundaries.

Second, first things first. And the first thing is you.

Bleeding boundaries start leaking when you buy into the false assurance that if you put everyone else first, you will be taken care of.

All the micro cuts into your boundaries appear when you operate under the belief that if you please everyone else first, then your happiness will be satisfied in service and sacrifice.

Yes, there is most certainly a blessing in service and blessing others, but the core of your blessing is YOU. It’s a very simple concept. If the fountain runs dry, who’s thirst can it quench? And also, you deserve and are worthy of pleasure and joy outside of service and sacrifice. Facts.

Picture a pitcher (See what I did there?). There is a time to pour out and there is a time to be filled. There is a time to be cleaned and a time to get dirty. There is a time to take care of, and there is a time to be taken care of. There is a time to be seen and there is a time to be stored and preserved.

The timing is in your soul. The timing is in your intuition. The timing is coded in you and is often told to you by your body and your energy.

Here’s the sexy part. When you take the time to take care for you, to heal, restore, cleanse, refill… you are so much more attractive and desirable. When you are taken care of, respected, loved, then you are so much fuller of the light, energy and amazingness that you are here to give. Holding and respecting your boundaries of time, energy, and space matter. Those boundaries matter because you matter. I say it again, what matters to your restoration and activation matters, because you matter. And when you matter to yourself, you are sexy as hell!

Third, Know your worth.

When you are confident, you are sexy.

In studies, confidence was found to be a strong predictor of overall attractiveness.

Confidence by definition arises from

1. you feeling like you are reliable and

2. self-assurance arising from appreciation of your qualities and your abilities.

Sexy clothes… yes.

Sexy eye-makeup… for sure.

Oils and Perfumes that beautifully mix with your natural scent, giving off that olfactory summon of “come and get me”... I ain’t mad at you.

Yet, if those things are not undergirded with the energy and belief that you are sexy… then you will not feel sexy. The confidence that you build in your identity, your becoming, your qualities and your abilities, your purpose and your possibilities… now that sh** brings sparkle to your eyes, a swing in your hips, a bounce in your step, and the scent of power that oozes out of your pores. When that energy is pulsating inside of you, you don’t have to create boundaries, they arise naturally. And those natural boundaries that arise out of the desire to foster, grow and nourish your confidence, belief in yourself, and the energy inherent in that, are attractive. That energy attracts like energies, people who love your confidence, who benefit from your assurance, and who light up with your light.

So… know your worth.

As a thriv-or after domestic violence and sexual assalut, I know that these three steps are not always easy to implement. There is healing. There is process. There is releasing. There is re-building that needs to take place in the identity and in the soul. I’m here for it.

If you’d like to have a session and talk about what you need to unlock, unleash and release in order to restore your naturally sexy boundaries, you can book your call here.

I believe in you.

Sending you much love and power, always.

Your Inner Power Coach,

La Toya

If you would like to know more about how I can support you in taking steps to know, honor and love yourself again, visit

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