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When They Ask, Who The F*** Are You?

Does that question cause a rise in you? Good. It should.

Depending on the intonation that I give to the question, or the inflection in my voice, where the emotion is placed - if any at all, and where I drop the emphasis… it might give a different rise in you.

Watch the video and you’ll get a better sense of what I mean.

Here’s the thing. It doesn’t matter who asked it, how it’s asked, where it’s asked, what time it’s asked, and what their “intentions” were when they asked. What matters is, are you ready to answer the question?

Are You Ready to Answer the question?

So… who the f*** are you?

I remember the first time this question did what it was supposed to do in me and for me. I had been working at a sub shop in Boston, owned by a member of the Nation of Islam for about 2 years. I was 16 (Don’t do the math, don’t ask questions). I had been working there long enough to know the ways of the shop, help out in other positions, and know quite a bit about the men of the “Nation.” I asked an employee, who was in his 40’s, about a particular order. It wasn’t anything I hadn’t asked before and it was totally in my lane to ask. Yet, because he was in a bad mood, and because he received what he did from his religion, and our society, he believed he had the right, authority, and privilege to speak to me the way he did. He turned to me and asked me, “Who the fuck do you think you are?”

I was confused and in shock.

I’m sure I had been asked that before.

I’m sure I cursed back and raged at the asker at times before.

I’m sure I joked it off a time before.

I’m sure I had buckled, shivered, shrunk, and died a little inside at the question before.

I’m sure I felt put “in my place” when asked the question before.

I’m sure I doubted myself, my worth, my dreams for myself, my value to anyone, at the question before.

I’m sure I did some of that even on this day.

I'm sure I'd been asked that by men in many non-verbal ways...

But something snapped and then snapped back in place.

Though I was depressed, a little suicidal, broken from assault and abuse, a little lonely and confused about life, the inner me, the real me, the soul me, the powerful, authentic, phoenix me knew that I should not be spoken to that way and that day I wasn’t going to receive it or absorb it.

I didn’t say a word. Didn’t need to.

I put on my coat and walked out.

I was a Phoenix that day.

I am enamored with the story of the Phoenix. This beautiful, colorful, mythical bird that shows up in several different cultures world-wide, is the epitome of my story, our story.

She knows, just intrinsically knows, when it’s her time to transform. She goes off to a solitary place and burns herself up.

She burns the bridges, ties, chains, baggage, relationships, emblems, toxic, negative, non-serving, left-over, non-authentic, non-genuine, non-healthy, shit.

She purifies and cleanses.

She sits in the ashes. Honoring, mourning, grieving, and releasing. She knows that ashes are a necessary part of the process.

Then, she rebuilds. She transforms. She regenerates.

She becomes anew.

And then, like the unequivocal beauty, strength, power, energy, and spirit that she is…

She takes the f*** off, and soars.

That’s my story.

That’s our story.

What do you need in 2022 to become your version of the Phoenix?

What do you need in 2022 to be able to answer the question “who are you” with the stability, strength, self-honor, self-love, and power that’s within you, no matter how it’s asked and who asked you?

Figure it out and do it.

Seriously. This is your time. This is your space. This is your calling. This is your life.

Your life is now.

Release That *Ish so you can Manifest That Ish. Today.



I would like to personally invite you to officially become a Phoenix and join my FB group Release That Ish Power Circle. Cost? Nothing. What’s in it for you? Ooooooh, a whole lot of ish. Monthly EFT (tapping) healing sessions, Energy healing opportunities, challenges, tips, tools, and tricks to keep your phoenix regeneration going and to help you SOAR! Plus a growing community of Phoenixes on the same path. Come on in and Release That Ish so you can Manifest That Ish.

If you didn’t catch it, click here to join 😊

Sending you much love and power, always.

Your Power Coach,

La Toya

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